I’m Angry

I’m angry, actually I’m more than angry, I’m pissed off. I am near furious at this point and I can’t help it, I can’t stop it and I can’t control it. I am so damn tired of being in pain all the time and nobody seems to want to do anything about it. I’m tired of never having any help except when I ask for it, it would be nice for someone to volunteer every once in a while to take some of this burden off of me.

I need a life outside of this fucking house, even a little bit of one would be good enough for me but no, that isn’t for me. I have spent this whole damn summer inside this house, I haven’t been able to do anything, go anywhere or just fucking live.

My anxiety level has been running in overdrive for the last several weeks, I can’t get any peace at all and I’m just tired of it. The more I think about it the more pissed off I get and my heart can’t take much more pressure, I feel like I’m going to have a heart attack at any moment and things just keep coming at me nonstop.

It’s always something, but I can’t give up or give in. If it kills me then it just fucking kills me.

Enough said for now ……

Searching In The Mist

Why use the title Searching In The Mist for a blog? Especially one concerned with Dementia?

It’s simple really. Dealing with a parent or loved one with Dementia is much like searching around blindly, trying to find the right answers to all the unknown questions, and there are a lot of questions and unknowns.

You come up against so many obstacles and you search and search for the right answers, the correct way to do something and you’re never really sure if you are in fact doing the right thing. Sometimes the answer is a smoky silhouette just out of reach, or at least you think it’s the answer you’re looking for, you hope it is.

And then there are those times that there really is no answer, you just have to do the best that you can and deal with the consequences later.

In this blog I will get into the real life of  being a caregiver for a parent with Dementia, and I’m sure there will be many times that I will be “Searching In The Mist”.